When I’m leading a workshop or facilitating a group session I often ask who the most important person in the room is. The answer I’m hoping to hear is a resounding “I am” from each of them. But people are often reluctant to say so, deferring to their children or other loved ones, and with good reason. Love makes us want to put others first, so does our natural sense of empathy. We consider people who put themselves first to be selfish or grasping, but that isn’t what I mean.
Being able to demonstrate our empathy or love for others requires us to be at our most personally resourceful. To be at our best requires that a) we know ourselves well enough to get us to that position; and b) we have access to those personal resources that enable us to perform consistently well.
Leading thinkers like Martha Nussbaum talk of the need for society to become more outward looking and empathetic rather than persisting with the perceived narcissistic self-examination that is a feature of movements like Positive Psychology.
A world that is rich in empathy needs us to go beyond hand-wringing sympathy and actually consider how we can affect the situation we see before us – if indeed we feel that is the right thing to do.
So if you are reflecting on 2010 and thinking about what you might like to achieve in 2011, consider where you add value in the world, in your family, among your colleagues; think about the personal resources you need to make that difference; then plan how you are going build those resources to benefit those around you.
Put yourself first so you can be fantastic for those who need you.
Now, who’s the most important person in the room?!
